Social Medialaise

Step One: Scroll through in utter boredom and admire all the pretty horses.

• Contemplate why I’m not more successful in my:
  • Riding
  • Social media posts
  • Career
  • Relationships
  • Life
• Consider the differences of Envy and Jealousy
  • Envy involves discontent, longing for what another may possess
  • Jealousy entails suspicion and rivalry
• Evaluate self-worth
  • Inevitable conclusion: I should prove my self-worth through also posting on social media!

 

Step Two: Craft the perfect post

• Assess videos and photos in current possession
  • Dismiss “fat”, “ugly”, “negative” options
  • Reevaluate self-worth
    • Wrestle with feelings of superiority/inferiority complex
• Smile
  • Because ponies!
• Edit content
  • Alter until arbitrary aesthetic feelings are assuaged
    • Not too dark
    • Not too light
    • Not too pixelated
      • It’s always pixalated
• Write words
  • Beautiful, soulful soliloquy; or
  • Blunt, inane word vomit salad

 

Step Three: Post

• Reconsider everything

 

Step Four: Wait

• Social media post > black box > success!
• Reexamine self-worth
  • Reconsider every life choice ever
    • Wonder how anyone puts up my f***ery at all
• Wait 

 

Step Five: Feel bad about myself

• Stare at my wonderful picture
  • Hate the world for not recognizing my brilliance
  • Assess every flaw
• Ponder life

 

Step Six: Malaise

• I am worthless, useless, stupid
  • No wonder no one likes my sh**
    • Curse algorithms
• Realize I am DAMN LUCKY to have my beautiful girls
  • What else matters?